Where Do I Go From Here?


Meena Dhanjal Outlaw

It is a fact that most marriages do not survive after a spouse becomes disabled, whether from injury or illness.

As someone who had experienced this reality first hand, I can tell you that there are several emotions one goes through when this happens. First shock, then anger, followed by a sense of abandonment.  The shock is from the initial idea that your spouse really doesn’t want to be with you. The anger is the realization that the vows you both took meant nothing to him/her.  Lastly, the sense of abandonment comes from the fact that you are now feeling unlovable.

Nonetheless, I implore you to see past all this and get over it quickly as possible!

I believe that life is truly about choices.  After getting divorced I had to relearn many things about myself, and mostly through my own mistakes. One, in particular, is dating.  We are targets to some for many ugly reasons, but the key factor I drew from was that if I didn’t feel good about myself then how will someone else treat me well?

I took time alone and really gave deep thought into my own self-worth.  I started by writing down a list of twenty things I wanted in someone and twenty things I didn’t want in someone.  I didn’t date after writing that list; in fact, I didn’t do much of anything.  However, this change of pace was invaluable as it allowed me the opportunity to properly manifest what I knew I deserved!

I became determined that the man who was going to eventually be with me would have to be unique to see past my limitations.  Yet, sitting in church one Sunday, the priest talked about how we are supposed to pray for the spouse God has already pre-selected for us.  He even pushed further and said we must pray this for our children as well, no matter how young they are.

Two years later I met the man to whom I am now married, and he is more than what I could have even dreamed possible for myself!  Yet, he is exactly how I am for myself:  healthy, confident, wise and courageous.

Now to those of you who are still married yet struggling. I ask that you try hard to work it out. There are so many therapists these days that work very well in picking the problems between a couple and helping them overcome them.  I have seen many couples become even stronger and more loving after a crisis such as mine.

I also challenge you to seek counsel from your church and from people you know that still treat you well regardless of what happened. Unfortunately, by now you have likely found that there are many friends who cannot handle your disability either and simply disappear.

What I am telling you is that it is okay.  For them to stay means they will hold you back in finding the best you possible.

I will also say to you that disabled is not a hindrance unless you allow it to be. It is all in your mind, and you can achieve anything you want.

Below is a link to an article, which I loved. It’s about what happens after a marriage suffers from a crisis, illness, and injury. I encourage you to read it, and I pray that it gives you hope for your future.


Finding Love After Loss: 7 Steps for Moving Forward

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